I am a cancer surgeon. I often see patients who have been diagnosed with cancer.

Often I hear this from my patients:
"I am going to beat this cancer."
"Can I beat this cancer doc?"
"I am going to continue fighting this until I die."

Sometimes I hear myself saying to my patients:
"We are going to do everything to help you fight this cancer."
"We are going to do everything to kill this cancer."

But is this the right thing to say? Is me or my patients saying this is helping them at all?  

Is saying this just stratifying people into "winners" and "losers"? If they are "winners" than they feel like they have given everything and it worked. Saying this also makes me feel better because, in some weird way, I helped them get there.

But what happens to those who "lose" their battle to cancer? Do they feel like they did not give enough because whatever they did, it did not help? If these patients do not tolerate specific treatments, and cancer comes back, could they have done more? Could I have done more to get them through those tough times?

We have learnt through our life that we need to fight for what we want and if we did not get there, then we did not want it that hard. Is this the same if I have cancer? Did I not fight hard enough to survive?

Is this "fighting the disease/cancer" helping our patients, or should we talk about something else? Is saying "giving my/your best" any better?

Am I or my patients hiding behind these words? Using these words can be like a shield, to protect us against our vulnerability. Mine is that despite everything I do, some of my patients will die from their illness/cancer. And for my patients saying these words acts a shield from the thought that they may die. It's the knowledge that we re not invincible anymore.

But this shield is also a bad thing. It stops us having discussions of what is important to the person in front of us, what they need to have a better quality of life. 

And what they need may not be another medication and stay in hospital or fighting a notion that they will die. It may be more time with family at home, relaxing, sleeping, getting their finances and wills in order, talking about good and bad memories in their life and who they are as a person. It's often having better connections and networking with influential people and not more time in hospitals.

We and our bodies have a limit. We are all struggling to live well and survive.

As a doctor,  I have to listen carefully to what patients are telling me about their "fight" with cancer. I need to probe further, to find the true meaning behind these words. This truth will lead to better healthcare.